A friend texted me tuesday after she saw on instagram that I took graham to disneyland for the first time on my own... she knew I was nervous about it and was so sweet to want to check in and ask how everything went.

Here's how the texting went:
L: "how'd dland go with graham??"
K: "ummm, ok. it was hot and his blood sugar was at 420 when it should be in the 100s, so he was a little not into it. but we did our best, Molly was such a good friend helping me out… all the things i don't put in a picture caption. I must make diabetes look easy."
That last thing I texted to her is definitely something I'm struggling with. Diabetes is not easy. And I don't know how to talk about it without scaring everyone away. My life now is full of needles, and supplies, and meal schedules, and food restrictions. I have a shelf in the refrigerator door that is now designated for the glass bottles of insulin and lantus. I cleared out an entire kitchen drawer so that I had space for all the alcohol wipes, bandaids, needles, lancets, and food logs. And I now have an insulated diabetes bag that I carry everywhere with me thats has a travel version of everything we have at home.

My friend went on to ask:
L: "did you have to do shots at disneyland?
K: "at 420 he needed insulin, so shot in the bathroom stall. he also needed lunch, so insulin for that too. and no mickey ice cream treats anymore on a hot day is such a bummer." 
L: "is he still fighting the shots or does he roll with it?"
K: "he's getting better. I wrap my legs around him standing or pin him in the stroller so he doesn't move and make me miss, which has happened. he knows he needs it, I know he needs it, so we get it done."
All of this doesn't fit into a cute caption under a cute picture of graham at disneyland. But it is our reality. I'm so thankful for friends who want to check in, and ask questions, and give me that outlet to share how things really are. Also thankful for the friend who did disneyland with me, and waited while I checked graham's sugar levels, stood by us while he threw an irrational fit in fantasyland because his levels were high, made finding the right carb friendly food for lunch a priority, and skipped mickey treats with us even when I told her to go have some.

On the outside I'm always trying to keep it together like I know what I'm doing, but on the inside my brain is a constant chaotic mess thinking about his next meal and where his blood sugar levels are at at all times. Thank you Jesus for friends that are a source of strength and understanding. I was able to bring his levels down from 420 to 80 with the right food and insulin. And we rode small world and pirates of the caribbean before we called it a day. Graham and I officially survived our first trip to disneyland, just the two of us.